All That I Can Say
by Rhole Hidaka
Summary: Youji introspects on his feelings towards a certain Weiß member... *shounen-ai, angst*


**All That I Can Say**  
by Rhole

This is just for you Monk-chan, so you'd better comment.. >=) //blah// - flashbacks  
_blah_ - inner thoughts/speech I'm in love. I'm in love, and I'm afraid. What am I afraid of? Nothing... everthing. Yes, I know I sound like a cheap romance novel, but it can't be helped. _Kudou Youji, the great playboy, in LOVE?_ I chide my conciousness and take a deep drag from my cigarette, staring at the bland walls of my room. The others are out on a mission, which I turned down because there were no ladies involved. _Liar. You're a spineless coward._ I sigh. It's going to be another one of those nights again. ------ //"Yo-tan, get up! You can't sleep all day...!"// Asuka. My partner, my love... my other half. I missed her teasing, her smiles, her dragging me out of bed at all hours of the night. The day I saw her die, I swore to never fall in love again. I wince as the image of an angel dances through my mind. My left hand traces over my tattoo, and I lower my head. She had 'died' again, by my own hands this time... //"Youji-kun! Don't smoke in the shop, it's bad for the flowers!"// _Yes Youji. When ARE you gonna learn?_ I don't know when it happened, neither how or why. It just DID. _Aren't we fickle? I thought you didn't like boys..._ I don't. He's no mere boy. He's... he's... _He's what?_ I put out the remainder of my cigarette and bury my face into the pillow. Between haunting nightmares of Askua and haunting fantasies of Omi, I'm dancing on a fragile thread. I tried to convince myself that it was just a phase, that I was just thinking strange. The smiles, the playful teasing... they're were the same and different at the same time. No many how many dates I went on, the sweet coos fell on deaf ears. All I could picture was cerulean eyes and golden locks, and the thread was threatening to snap. "YOUJI!!!!!" My train of thought is derailed by Ken's loud voice, which probably just woke half the block. I don't think he realizes how loud he can be at times. "OI, YOUJI!!! YOU HERE?! OMI'S HURT!!" Omi. Hurt. What if he's been shot!? Will he live?? What if this is--I never... _You never what?_ For the umpteenth time tonight, I tell my conscious to goto hell as I race downstairs to the basement. Omi's usual smiling face greets me, telling me that he's alright, but my chest tightens upon seeing the large knife wound on his thigh. Aya's gone off to call Manx, while Ken's getting the medical kits. Having more than one is pretty much required in our line of work. "I should've been more careful. I'm such a baka... At least Aya-kun and Ken-kun aren't hurt though..." He laughs, trying to lighten the situation, but I can clearly see that he's weakened from the loss of blood. He's always been the type to put others before himself, a trait that was purely Omi. After what seems to be an eternity, Ken comes back with the medical supplies, and we patch up Omi. Aya informs us that Manx and a team of medics will be by shortly. All we can do now is wait. Ken and Aya disappear, probably off to their rooms, and it's just Omi and me in the basement. I glance over at the younger boy; he's becoming paler by the minute, and I pray to God that he'll be fine. "Youji-kun..." My heart flutters as I hear my name on his sweet voice. "Omi, don't push yourself! Relax, Manx will be here soon." "Maybe... maybe I should have never joined Weiß..." "Don't talk like that! It's just the lack of blood that's got your mind fuzzy!" "But I--I'm just a burden to the team..." "Do you realize what you're saying?! Omi, you've been part of this long before any of us! You're what keeps us togehter! I wouldn't do this without you..." "Youji-kun...?" I can hear the uncertainity in his voice, and I panic. "... Without any of you. We need each other, Omi. Strange as it is, we do." _Nice save, Kudou._ "Aa..." For a moment, I thought I heard disappointment in his voice, but I brush it off as wishful thinking. This is no time for silly fantasies. I turn my head towards the door, silently willing for Manx and her team to arrive, when I hear something brush towards the carpet. Omi is using what little strength he has remaining to crawl towards me. I open my mouth to protest, but I feel as if he's reaching out towards me. _What happened to 'no time for silly fantasies?'_ Ah, but this isn't a fantasy. This is reality, and I'm going to grasp it before I lose the chance again... Forever. I bridge the gap between us as I gently wrap my arms around him and scoot him up against my side. To my surprise, he doesn't stiffen or try to move away. It may because of his injury, but I'll take my chances. I take a deep breath, close my eyes... ... and remain silent as dread tightens in my chest. I'd been rejected before, but would it be the same with Omi? We lived, worked, and killed together. This wasn't some passing 'fling'. I had the chance, but I feared that confessing my feelings would shatter the friendship we had. _When you gonna learn?_ I bite down on my lower lip, trying to supress that tears that threatened to spill over. It wouldn't do to be caught crying in front of Manx; I'm sure she'd never let me live it down. I cautiously lean the side of my face in his hair, lost in the sweet-smelling softness of it. "Arigatou, Youji-kun..." His small voice breaks the silence. As if I were burned, I jerk back, fearing the worst. The dread is quickly replaced with joy as his small hand intertwines with my own, and I kiss the top of his forehead. Nothing less, noting more, purely understanding. When I am I gonna learn? Never. Not as long as he's here... I am in love. I am in love, and I'm afraid. It's all that I can say. OWARI


End file.
